I won't give up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up


And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find


'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up


I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got Yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end you're still my friend, at least we did intend for us to work We didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am


So easy is our life, what's mine is yours and yours mine. Hardly do we ever fight, we'd rather be kind

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get dark
Healing this broken heart
And I know I'm worth it
I'm worth it


I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough,
I am loved, we've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it


No, I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We've got a lot to learn
And we're worth it

I won't give up (repeat untill end)

Confused

The days were over,
the crazy mornings of Tuesdays
on how heartbeats react
how could it be so detached?


Not even normal, so it seemed.
Electricity over my skin.
Now I see forever passing by,
I'd cough somewhat I don't know why.


There's something wrong between now and forever.
Now how could it be so wrong?
that has been promised by forever.
Forever would it be like this?
Forever would it still change?


Goodbye forever, is it time for us to walk away?
Changing the memories of yesterday.
Would I still feel the heartbeat
That was once full of love?


Half alive I am right now.
don’t know what to do nor feel.
should I go or stay?
would I let our memories fade?


I won't give up,
this is my motivation.
Regardless of the efforts I've done,
just to swallow my pride.
I miss you.
trully I am.
Would I say goodbye,
just for this time?


Farewell, my forever.
Is it time for us to regain heartbeats
that are now fading away?
Is it time to let go?
will there be still tomorrow?

Captivated

Last night, I had this dream which I guess tackles about the guy whom I always dreamed about but having no idea who he is. Today is my Mom's 54th Birthday and also my interview for the COCI Scholarship. In Filipino Catholic tradition, people used to go to the church usually during mornings in able to be bless. As a Filipino Catholic, my Mom did it earlier so she woke me up at 6am just to be notified that I am in charge of the house since they'll be away for a moment. And also to sleep beside my youngest sister, Marie because she'll be alone in the room. (Coz Marie sleeps beside my parents in their room). So here it goes, my "fairytale" inspired dream happened last night. Actually it was my 2nd one, and having still the same person I'm always dreaming about. Honestly, I don't know who this person was. I guess he's someone close to me. But I have no relationship or some sort of a crush with anybody. I don't know who's this guy. But either the way I know him or not, I recognize this dream as one of my favorite. Coz this is what I think I want to happen during my first meeting with my potential boyfriend. :)

The DREAM My precious dream started with me going to UST for some friend meeting reasons. I was wearing a floral orange and blue summer inspired maxi dress, a brown mini satchel bag across my chest and positioned in my left side waist, my foot wear was my favorite black gladiator sandals and I was wearing also my black RayBan sunnies. Also I have with me my sister's SLR camera which happened to be dangled on my neck. I was walking with a friend and she told me that she'll be calling our another friend whose having her class during my visit.
My friend left me in the plaza area of UST (pic main bldg) And there as I was waiting for them, I took pictures of the bldg. and suddenly... As I was viewing my previous shot, I accidentaly bumped a guy in my back. OMG... Then I said sorry. Coz he dropped his drink. Then he said, "Yah. It's okay. I'm good." Then I thought he was leaving coz he's cleaning his uniform. suddenly he asked. "so you're a photography student?" I replied with a smile, "uhmm. Nope. Just visiting some friends and also taking pictures of UST's great old buildings. Of course I didn't ask him if he's a Thomasian since he's already wearing the school's uniform :)) Him: "So you're waiting for them, aren't you"? Me: "I am. So uhm is this the main building of the university?" Him: "Yah. In there is the museum." So by the way I'm (name forgotten :( ) Me: Mine's Pie. So we went to Tokyo Tokyo to grab some Red Iced Tea. He's very kind coz he had this little walk with me and some chat. Then we were at the stairs and it was so crowded, then suddenly I didn't notice I was getting nearer to him... even closer. Then somebody just pushed me and I landed on his chest then he put his arms on me and smiled. I was so blessed having a gentleman with me. He knows that I was already being hurt by the elbows, arm pushes of the students. then he asked me if I'm okay, Then I said "Thank You." After that, we went back to the main building, and there I saw my friends. They asked me where was I. I told them I went for a walk with him :""> insert emoticon... haha. then I said goodbye to him.. and he told me: "I wish I could bond with you again" I smiled and said: "Me either. *smiles* Then I went in the car and wave to him. end! :)

Moments in blue

Those days and nights of silence
Together with this beat from mine,
Playing songs of such loneliness,
For a moment even for a short while.


Melodies that once was silent.
Has turned into a song from stone.
Now, a heart full of love,
With memories that just got home
Few steps back then,
Footprints marked on sand,
Tracking where it belongs,
Looking forward for a better song.


On the flash waves of present
Here comes a lone message in a bottle.
With a flower in violet,
That took place where summer meets June
Now I’m waiting for it to bloom.


Are you heaven’s sent?
Prayers were told because of it.
Coz the cover’s too tight,
Would it’ll be open and make sign?

Followed

Dreams. In Psychology dreams reflect our subconscious mind--the person who we really are. Last night, I had a dream about a guy named Drew-- not his real name. Drew and I have a past. Actually, it's not what we call boyfriend- girlfriend relationship. Like Louie's we had a (M.U.)Mutual Understanding relationship.

Before I continue elaborating what my dream was, I would introduce first the story how we begun.
So this what happened.
Three years after my heartbroken incident with Louie, I decided to accept everything and forgive what he has done.
Currently in my freshman year in De La Salle, I met a lot of people but no one caught my attention.
Yes, I have admirers but almost all of them are the same.
But the one who did not courted me (legally), has had this part of me that was a positive strong feeling.
I don't know how to describe it but the feeling was just so right and so tender.
Drew Brenon is his whole name. I remember he was a member of our high school's student publication. I was a Junior when I first saw him. He's a Senior then; also the cousin of my batchmate, Frances Brenon.


We had good times. It started last August 2011, when we had our very first informal conversation. He's in California now and having a good recording part time job. Yeah. I guess this is another long distance thing again. If it would most likely have between us. Drew and I lasted for 6 wonderful months. We try to have something between us like keeping in touch always, but I guess the timezone had been so cruel to us. I admit that I had one of the best Christmas and New Year with him. Yes. I was so happy chatting with him till the last 5 mins of midnight of December 24th. welcoming Christmas has been so great and very nostalgic. Furthermore, welcoming 2012 has also a night to remember. I was with him till 4'oclock in the morning (PH time) and to them 12 midnight of January 1.

The happiness I have with him didn't last for too long. Months by months it became more difficult. I had to wake up at 5am just to chat with him. I remember when I was about to have my very first NSTP CWTS. It was a very breezy Saturday morning. The sun was about to rise and then I went online after I did my morning routine. He buzzed me on Yahoo! Messenger. Yes. I was so kilig :") My NSTP CWTS was scheduled at 8am so I still have 3 hours to get myself prepared.

We chatted till 6:30am and yes I haven't had my bath during that moment. :)) and my friend, Jem would be at McDo Times at 7am to meet up with me coz we'll be heading to La Salle together. After I took a bath, I went offline. i told him that i'll be chatting with him via SMS (Yahoo!) then so he gave me a hug and kiss emoticon :")
Yes. Up untill being on the bus with Jem, I still had a lot of stories to tell her. And while I was chatting with Jem, I was also talking with Drew :") Jem didn't mind our talk. She instead joined me in thinking of some replies to him :)
Our NSTP CWTS was venued at Valenzuela. We would have a 2 and a half an hour trip going to the location. And yes, till I got home from the NSTP CWTS i was still chatting with him :)
Also during that day was my bestie, Avegail's debut. On my way home I went to the Salon to have my hair done. So it happened and my parents picked me up there and drop me in the party venue. Then I was so happy during that night. After going to my bestie's 18th birthday, I went home. Then Drew waited for me for hours coz we'll be having our Skype call that night. in California it was around 2am and while here in the Philippines it was 10pm. After that so semi-awkward conversation with him, I feel so happy again. I can't sleep, coz having that guy on your mind would make you stay awake instead of dreaming. I love the way we took care of each other. but I guess I should end it.

During the day after The Valentine's, I discovered that he is already committed with a Filipina. They were like almost a year and it made my hopes fade. i admit that I got hurt. But it is not as much as pain as to what happened between me and Louie. Some of my friends told me that because it didn't hurt that much because i didn't gave my whole heart. I guess that's the how we ended.

----the dream----

3 months after I stop talking to him, I dreamed of him. I was at home when my cousin Jay arrived and he's with Drew. I was in the Living room making my scrapbook designs. And Jay went to my brother's room to get something and Drew left in the kitchen area to grab some water to drink. As he open the fridge, I packed my things and get ready to transfer immediately to my room. But before going there, I should pass by the dinning-kitchen area hallway. And yah, I should be able to pass by Drew before he'll close the fridge.

Then I didn't waste any seconds, I gathered all my things and walk normally towards the hallway entrance. After that as I am about to turn right, Drew closes the fridge. Then he saw me. We had an eye-to-eye contact. I saw him again. Then I didn't stare any longer and I hurry up going to my room.

As I reach the room, I closed it. Locked it. the I suddenly cried. I know that it is weird but I was feeling the tears falling down my cheeks and as I wipe it, I could feel the tears on my hands. Then I wake up.

I wake up having tears on my cheeks. Then I prayed to God for guidance and wisdom.

the one that got away

They said that the truth will set you free, for me so does acceptance. a few years ago I had my very first Mutual Understanding (M.U.) relationship with a guy named Louie, not his real name.
I was in my Junior high school when my bestfriend Camille introduced him to me. Louie and I had both good times and bad times. Like any other M.U. relationships, we had some points that one should make sacrifices for the other, or try not to get jealous because of having no "legal" right to be. Ours started as a friendly relationship then went to M.U. stage wherein we like each other but had no commitment. Apart from having that kind of relationship, we also had Long distance relationship but of course no commitment. Yes, I know we had a very complicated relationship but it ran through a year and a 3 months to finish.
On our first 3 months, we had a very passionate communication.
we had been talking till midnight then texting for the whole day.
But had no dates.
however on our last 5 months we had our first date (it isn't a date for me coz he's not my boyfriend or like he's courting me). We had it at SM Mall of Asia together with a friend, Socorro. Till now, I still don't know how it became a M.U. relationship. I didn't say "Yes". He did not court me. All we have was knowing we like each other.
Afterwards of having him always by my side, like in Business; ours had reached its decline stage. He became more attracted on such vices like alcohol drinking, bar partying, and the most sadly-- getting in a legal relationship.
I can't blame him. I know handling this kind of relationship is really damn hard.
I was in our province, having my vacation wayback then.
But what should I do?-- that question has had been lingering on my mind.
I had asked some of my friends regarding this but it wasn't enough for me to get pacified.
I had cried for weeks, even waking up or trying to go to sleep... or both.
Then we talked.
He told me that I was being so cold to him lately.
That I was being too possessive; that even socializing to his friends, I was so strict.
For me I want him to get rid of those bad influence- friends of his.
And I slightly hate them coz they have been pushing Louie to go for vices.
So I let Louie know what I want him to.
Louie got mad.
He told me that I was not his girlfriend to do such cares.
I started to cry and get silent.
then he continued to talk again.
According to him, I am so easily to break things up.
Having been out in honors program was very disappointing to me, so I tried my best.
To him, I started to get cold after that happening.
It was all because I want to make my parents proud of me again.
But he said that, "then you should be not handling such relationship, even in the legal way."
Then I cut the conversation. I hanged the phone.
After hearing what he said.
I started to ask myself if it's a bad thing, and yes it is.
I should have fight for our relationship.
I should have not let go of him.
I should have said to him what I was going through.
After that, I started to live like having left on me nothing but bitterness and hate.
Some of my friends said that my advicing styles have changed.


After 3 years, here I am.
Already moved on and have alreadly let go of him.
I thank God for letting me enlighten that No matter how dirty my past is, my future is spotless.
That I should let my heart open for others who want to court me.
That I should be open to possibilities.
yes, it's been four years and I became better.
I guess as a young teenager, we commonly have relationships that has been out of our minds, that we
do not know how to handle it properly. Because of being young, we make choices and decisions out of
immaturity in terms of Love. Furthermore, we must be ready for the right one to arrive.
Louie just graduated college. He is now, as what some of our friends say, handling their family business.
I graduated high school and now in college taking up Biochemistry.
I have nothing but both good and bad memories of him.
I thank him for letting this lessons happen and testing my faith.
I would miss his sweet hello's.
But I should get ready for my future's sweeter hello's :)

Meet Bulilit!

HER name is Bulilit :) (TiNY)

This is how she sleeps

This is how she laughs :))

I love my puppy! :)

Teen Creed

Don't let your parents down,
They brought you up.
Be humble enough to obey,
You may give orders someday.
Choose companions with care,
You become what they are.
Guard your thoughts,
What you think, you are.
Choose only a date
Who would make a good mate.
Be master of your habits,
Or they will master you.
Don't be a show off when you drive,
Drive with safety and arrive.
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
Stand for something- Or you'll fall for anything.

-Author Unknown

Just gay linggo :))

Bubuka ang bulaklak song.. ( gay lingo) hahahaha
Bubukesh and floweret ~ Bubuka ang bulaklak
Jojosok ang reynabelz ~ Papasok ang reyna
Shochurva ng chacha ~ Sasayaw ng chacha
Pa jempot jempot fah ~ Pa kembot kembot pa
Boom tiyaya vush chenes ~ Boom ti yah yah boom ye ye

A Funny Conversation with my Bestfriend

Another bonding time with my best friend :D

Holy Week

Holy Week 2012

picture courtesy of Ivan Henares.

Yeah so I went with my family in different churches around the Metro and had our Vista Yglesia. Since birth I've benn witnessing my family having this every 1st week of April. After we complete the 14 churches (coz it is 14 stations right?) we go out for dinner in nearby restaurant. Last Year we had dinner at (lol I can't remember the restaurant's name) Ongpin. today, it's 2012 and we didn't dine-in at any resto. Instead we speed by Jollibee (yeah right:)) to buy some food. Actually, its nearly 9am so instead of dinning in at a resto, we just had it taken out. Me together with my siblings plus Mom and Dad and my eldest brother's girlfriend, gone in different churches to pray the Stations of the Cross. Plus we took pictures of it. :)

P.S. yeah it's only a few images since I got my phone lowbatt yesterday :))

First stop: Mary Mother of the Church Parish
look what I found... again.. -_____-

it's been months since I last attended Catholic church mass. And up until now, they've been opposing the Reproductive Health Bill
Why are they against this?
Actually they call this as "Semi-Abortion" :(
Too bad. Our country has been growing its population every year,
wew. what's wrong with you, guys? :(

Second stop: Las Piñas bamboo Organ Church
soooo old. this church has been built for centuries!

It isn't my first time entering the Las Piñas Bamboo Organ Church. We had our field trip here way back 2004 :)) yeah. :)) btw, Why Bamboo-made organ church? It's because Las Piñas City is the bamboo capital of the Philippines. It is the main export of the city to the other city or even countries! :D

Believe it or not, the flooring and the walls in the Choir's lounge are all in bamboo materials!:) When I went up there it's a bit cracky. and only a few students should accommodate the space coz it might fall anytime, you know.

Way back 1800's or early 1900's, people used to bury their loved ones in the columns of the church. I remember asking this to my History teacher, Ms. Ellen Muñoz, why are there graves inside the church. According to her and in my researches, the nearest column whose body will be buried there is the one who paid the highest amount to the church, because according to them, the people who will pay the highest digit nearest to the altar would likely (or should I say surely) go to heaven.

from the entrance hallway.

My sister and Mhy :) Outside of the church view :D
See the bamboo mini cross on the church's exterior? Yes. It is all in bamboo material! :)

They also have this souvenir shop/ museum. :)) and it has no entrance fee. You'll also find various bamboo-made products and century old authentic materials used during the mass before! :D

Actually I have no idea regarding the price range. Coz we went there during lunch time. Maybe the staffs were having their lunch break during our visit.

A bamboo-liked decoration :)

It's the century-old church bell :) Approximately 2 century old or 2 and a half..

My youngest sister, Marie, with her old time inspired background :D (actually it is outside of the souvenir shop:))

some description posted outside of the church

the view at the outside of the church. Really kinda crowded.

Last Stop: Don Bosco Parish in Makati
Just beside DBTS :D

We're getting modern :D This church has a very modern styled interior and a very unique architecture :D

Before entering the church, we grabbed some snacks :) yeah I bought lugaw (porridge) for only 40 pesos! :D its really yummy! ;)

After eating I went to the church's garden. There has its crosses for the families who were having their Visita Yglesia like us ;)

see the cross? :)

love the exteriors! :D

My family wile having their prayer :D

among Catholics, they cover their saint statues during Holy week. Actually i dunno why.. :))

like what was behind us... :))

and lastly, I supppppppppppppppper love the ceiling! :D

that smile :)

today is a Saturday. yeah CWTS' last day. it's kinda sad but still it's been fulfilling. After getting off at Quirino station with my two close friends, Anna and Karlsten, we went to Karlsten's crib to do Anna's KASPIL1 homework.

Since karlsten and I were at the same jeepney, we went to the location alone. we didn't wait for Anna anymore since she texted us to just wait for her in Karlsten's house.

then we had fun through the hours we spent. we arrived at 3:00pm... and went home at nearly 8pm :))

So yeah, my bestfriend Karlsten was with me till I found a bus going home. we waited in front of Andrew building
As i went on the bus, there's a limited seats available. thank God i had one of those.

i was so tired. really.
but everything's worth it.
i reflected that i would surely miss villa crystal. my students-- Queenie and Princess <3 and also the cement road entering phase 3 as well.

then i got a message from Dad.
yeah I'm totally dead since I'm going home late :))
Dad was surprisingly not that mad. he said that my Kuya (older brother) is waiting home for me.

So I said my goodbye and told him that i'm in baclaran already (but i'm still along Taft Avenue :)) haha)

When we reached Southgate, there's a guy in yellow and khaki shorts with his nike rubbershoes get in. unfortunately the limited seats are all taken :( so he didn't have a choice but to stand up. He's alone and he's cute <3

i think he's from DLSU since he look like a LaSallian:)) he's tall and look like a chinese because of his eyes and skin color. he's like the same age as I.

I find his eyes attractive since i love guys who are "singkit" :)) coz i got that kind of eyes too :))

then after awhile he started looking at me (this is true ah, i'm ain't messing up). i think it's because he must have caught me looking at him.. urgh :))

then I kept on glancing. yeah right :))
And he does too :))

then we reached Gil Puyat LRT Station, and a guy went in and woah he's friends with the cute guy :)) lol

they were standing till we reached baclaran area. they just talked and talked about things i did not understand :)) I should not have been listening to their conversation but i freakin' can't help it. they were so near :))

If i could have put some songs in my phone, i should have been having my earphones sucked in my ears and been listening to the music throughout the trip. But it didn't just happen.

the glancing still in motion, so
as I to him lol. He made me curious though. I checked my face and all
I see was nothing but my face cleaned.

So they found a seat that was seated by an old lady with his grand child getting off at Coastal Road.

The cute guy and his friend finally seated! :))

So they still continue to talk...

when i was about to get off, i went nearer the exit door. the bus was still at SM Center las pinas and here i go finally standing while waiting for the bus to pass by Times Area.

Then I was shocked coz the cute guy said "hi" to me :)) haha :">

i said "hi" back and then smiled. but i had to get off already since i had some people at ny back waiting for me to go down. i bet the cute guy is somewhere residing in moonwalk since i was the one who get off first. i had no choice but to go down.

As i walk going to the tricycle station nearby, i couldn't rid of my smile:))
i was so happy for that
cute guy being brave enough to approach a lady he just met in the bus.

i wish that cute guy and I meet again. We could be good friends:)

"So you're always honest," I said.
"Aren't you?"
"No," I told him. "I'm not."
"Well, that's good to know, I guess."
"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I told him. He raised his eyebrows. "That's not how I meant it, anyways."
"How'd you mean it, then?"
"I just...I don't always say what I feel."
"Why not?"
"Because the truth sometimes hurts," I said.
"Yeah," he said. "So do lies, though."

Along for the Ride, Sarah Dessen

my Sarah Dessen favorite quote :)

“You have to protect yourself, you can’t just give yourself away. But holding people away from you and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. If anything it makes you weaker because you’re doing it of fear of taking that chance. Of simply letting go and giving into it, and that’s what makes us what we are. Risks, that’s living. Being to scared to even try it - that’s a waste. I can say I made a lot of mistakes, but I don’t regret things. Because at least I didn’t spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.”

-Sarah Dessen