Followed

Dreams. In Psychology dreams reflect our subconscious mind--the person who we really are. Last night, I had a dream about a guy named Drew-- not his real name. Drew and I have a past. Actually, it's not what we call boyfriend- girlfriend relationship. Like Louie's we had a (M.U.)Mutual Understanding relationship.

Before I continue elaborating what my dream was, I would introduce first the story how we begun.
So this what happened.
Three years after my heartbroken incident with Louie, I decided to accept everything and forgive what he has done.
Currently in my freshman year in De La Salle, I met a lot of people but no one caught my attention.
Yes, I have admirers but almost all of them are the same.
But the one who did not courted me (legally), has had this part of me that was a positive strong feeling.
I don't know how to describe it but the feeling was just so right and so tender.
Drew Brenon is his whole name. I remember he was a member of our high school's student publication. I was a Junior when I first saw him. He's a Senior then; also the cousin of my batchmate, Frances Brenon.


We had good times. It started last August 2011, when we had our very first informal conversation. He's in California now and having a good recording part time job. Yeah. I guess this is another long distance thing again. If it would most likely have between us. Drew and I lasted for 6 wonderful months. We try to have something between us like keeping in touch always, but I guess the timezone had been so cruel to us. I admit that I had one of the best Christmas and New Year with him. Yes. I was so happy chatting with him till the last 5 mins of midnight of December 24th. welcoming Christmas has been so great and very nostalgic. Furthermore, welcoming 2012 has also a night to remember. I was with him till 4'oclock in the morning (PH time) and to them 12 midnight of January 1.

The happiness I have with him didn't last for too long. Months by months it became more difficult. I had to wake up at 5am just to chat with him. I remember when I was about to have my very first NSTP CWTS. It was a very breezy Saturday morning. The sun was about to rise and then I went online after I did my morning routine. He buzzed me on Yahoo! Messenger. Yes. I was so kilig :") My NSTP CWTS was scheduled at 8am so I still have 3 hours to get myself prepared.

We chatted till 6:30am and yes I haven't had my bath during that moment. :)) and my friend, Jem would be at McDo Times at 7am to meet up with me coz we'll be heading to La Salle together. After I took a bath, I went offline. i told him that i'll be chatting with him via SMS (Yahoo!) then so he gave me a hug and kiss emoticon :")
Yes. Up untill being on the bus with Jem, I still had a lot of stories to tell her. And while I was chatting with Jem, I was also talking with Drew :") Jem didn't mind our talk. She instead joined me in thinking of some replies to him :)
Our NSTP CWTS was venued at Valenzuela. We would have a 2 and a half an hour trip going to the location. And yes, till I got home from the NSTP CWTS i was still chatting with him :)
Also during that day was my bestie, Avegail's debut. On my way home I went to the Salon to have my hair done. So it happened and my parents picked me up there and drop me in the party venue. Then I was so happy during that night. After going to my bestie's 18th birthday, I went home. Then Drew waited for me for hours coz we'll be having our Skype call that night. in California it was around 2am and while here in the Philippines it was 10pm. After that so semi-awkward conversation with him, I feel so happy again. I can't sleep, coz having that guy on your mind would make you stay awake instead of dreaming. I love the way we took care of each other. but I guess I should end it.

During the day after The Valentine's, I discovered that he is already committed with a Filipina. They were like almost a year and it made my hopes fade. i admit that I got hurt. But it is not as much as pain as to what happened between me and Louie. Some of my friends told me that because it didn't hurt that much because i didn't gave my whole heart. I guess that's the how we ended.

----the dream----

3 months after I stop talking to him, I dreamed of him. I was at home when my cousin Jay arrived and he's with Drew. I was in the Living room making my scrapbook designs. And Jay went to my brother's room to get something and Drew left in the kitchen area to grab some water to drink. As he open the fridge, I packed my things and get ready to transfer immediately to my room. But before going there, I should pass by the dinning-kitchen area hallway. And yah, I should be able to pass by Drew before he'll close the fridge.

Then I didn't waste any seconds, I gathered all my things and walk normally towards the hallway entrance. After that as I am about to turn right, Drew closes the fridge. Then he saw me. We had an eye-to-eye contact. I saw him again. Then I didn't stare any longer and I hurry up going to my room.

As I reach the room, I closed it. Locked it. the I suddenly cried. I know that it is weird but I was feeling the tears falling down my cheeks and as I wipe it, I could feel the tears on my hands. Then I wake up.

I wake up having tears on my cheeks. Then I prayed to God for guidance and wisdom.

the one that got away

They said that the truth will set you free, for me so does acceptance. a few years ago I had my very first Mutual Understanding (M.U.) relationship with a guy named Louie, not his real name.
I was in my Junior high school when my bestfriend Camille introduced him to me. Louie and I had both good times and bad times. Like any other M.U. relationships, we had some points that one should make sacrifices for the other, or try not to get jealous because of having no "legal" right to be. Ours started as a friendly relationship then went to M.U. stage wherein we like each other but had no commitment. Apart from having that kind of relationship, we also had Long distance relationship but of course no commitment. Yes, I know we had a very complicated relationship but it ran through a year and a 3 months to finish.
On our first 3 months, we had a very passionate communication.
we had been talking till midnight then texting for the whole day.
But had no dates.
however on our last 5 months we had our first date (it isn't a date for me coz he's not my boyfriend or like he's courting me). We had it at SM Mall of Asia together with a friend, Socorro. Till now, I still don't know how it became a M.U. relationship. I didn't say "Yes". He did not court me. All we have was knowing we like each other.
Afterwards of having him always by my side, like in Business; ours had reached its decline stage. He became more attracted on such vices like alcohol drinking, bar partying, and the most sadly-- getting in a legal relationship.
I can't blame him. I know handling this kind of relationship is really damn hard.
I was in our province, having my vacation wayback then.
But what should I do?-- that question has had been lingering on my mind.
I had asked some of my friends regarding this but it wasn't enough for me to get pacified.
I had cried for weeks, even waking up or trying to go to sleep... or both.
Then we talked.
He told me that I was being so cold to him lately.
That I was being too possessive; that even socializing to his friends, I was so strict.
For me I want him to get rid of those bad influence- friends of his.
And I slightly hate them coz they have been pushing Louie to go for vices.
So I let Louie know what I want him to.
Louie got mad.
He told me that I was not his girlfriend to do such cares.
I started to cry and get silent.
then he continued to talk again.
According to him, I am so easily to break things up.
Having been out in honors program was very disappointing to me, so I tried my best.
To him, I started to get cold after that happening.
It was all because I want to make my parents proud of me again.
But he said that, "then you should be not handling such relationship, even in the legal way."
Then I cut the conversation. I hanged the phone.
After hearing what he said.
I started to ask myself if it's a bad thing, and yes it is.
I should have fight for our relationship.
I should have not let go of him.
I should have said to him what I was going through.
After that, I started to live like having left on me nothing but bitterness and hate.
Some of my friends said that my advicing styles have changed.


After 3 years, here I am.
Already moved on and have alreadly let go of him.
I thank God for letting me enlighten that No matter how dirty my past is, my future is spotless.
That I should let my heart open for others who want to court me.
That I should be open to possibilities.
yes, it's been four years and I became better.
I guess as a young teenager, we commonly have relationships that has been out of our minds, that we
do not know how to handle it properly. Because of being young, we make choices and decisions out of
immaturity in terms of Love. Furthermore, we must be ready for the right one to arrive.
Louie just graduated college. He is now, as what some of our friends say, handling their family business.
I graduated high school and now in college taking up Biochemistry.
I have nothing but both good and bad memories of him.
I thank him for letting this lessons happen and testing my faith.
I would miss his sweet hello's.
But I should get ready for my future's sweeter hello's :)

Meet Bulilit!

HER name is Bulilit :) (TiNY)

This is how she sleeps

This is how she laughs :))

I love my puppy! :)

Teen Creed

Don't let your parents down,
They brought you up.
Be humble enough to obey,
You may give orders someday.
Choose companions with care,
You become what they are.
Guard your thoughts,
What you think, you are.
Choose only a date
Who would make a good mate.
Be master of your habits,
Or they will master you.
Don't be a show off when you drive,
Drive with safety and arrive.
Don't let the crowd pressure you,
Stand for something- Or you'll fall for anything.

-Author Unknown

Just gay linggo :))

Bubuka ang bulaklak song.. ( gay lingo) hahahaha
Bubukesh and floweret ~ Bubuka ang bulaklak
Jojosok ang reynabelz ~ Papasok ang reyna
Shochurva ng chacha ~ Sasayaw ng chacha
Pa jempot jempot fah ~ Pa kembot kembot pa
Boom tiyaya vush chenes ~ Boom ti yah yah boom ye ye

A Funny Conversation with my Bestfriend

Another bonding time with my best friend :D

Holy Week

Holy Week 2012

picture courtesy of Ivan Henares.

Yeah so I went with my family in different churches around the Metro and had our Vista Yglesia. Since birth I've benn witnessing my family having this every 1st week of April. After we complete the 14 churches (coz it is 14 stations right?) we go out for dinner in nearby restaurant. Last Year we had dinner at (lol I can't remember the restaurant's name) Ongpin. today, it's 2012 and we didn't dine-in at any resto. Instead we speed by Jollibee (yeah right:)) to buy some food. Actually, its nearly 9am so instead of dinning in at a resto, we just had it taken out. Me together with my siblings plus Mom and Dad and my eldest brother's girlfriend, gone in different churches to pray the Stations of the Cross. Plus we took pictures of it. :)

P.S. yeah it's only a few images since I got my phone lowbatt yesterday :))

First stop: Mary Mother of the Church Parish
look what I found... again.. -_____-

it's been months since I last attended Catholic church mass. And up until now, they've been opposing the Reproductive Health Bill
Why are they against this?
Actually they call this as "Semi-Abortion" :(
Too bad. Our country has been growing its population every year,
wew. what's wrong with you, guys? :(

Second stop: Las Piñas bamboo Organ Church
soooo old. this church has been built for centuries!

It isn't my first time entering the Las Piñas Bamboo Organ Church. We had our field trip here way back 2004 :)) yeah. :)) btw, Why Bamboo-made organ church? It's because Las Piñas City is the bamboo capital of the Philippines. It is the main export of the city to the other city or even countries! :D

Believe it or not, the flooring and the walls in the Choir's lounge are all in bamboo materials!:) When I went up there it's a bit cracky. and only a few students should accommodate the space coz it might fall anytime, you know.

Way back 1800's or early 1900's, people used to bury their loved ones in the columns of the church. I remember asking this to my History teacher, Ms. Ellen Muñoz, why are there graves inside the church. According to her and in my researches, the nearest column whose body will be buried there is the one who paid the highest amount to the church, because according to them, the people who will pay the highest digit nearest to the altar would likely (or should I say surely) go to heaven.

from the entrance hallway.

My sister and Mhy :) Outside of the church view :D
See the bamboo mini cross on the church's exterior? Yes. It is all in bamboo material! :)

They also have this souvenir shop/ museum. :)) and it has no entrance fee. You'll also find various bamboo-made products and century old authentic materials used during the mass before! :D

Actually I have no idea regarding the price range. Coz we went there during lunch time. Maybe the staffs were having their lunch break during our visit.

A bamboo-liked decoration :)

It's the century-old church bell :) Approximately 2 century old or 2 and a half..

My youngest sister, Marie, with her old time inspired background :D (actually it is outside of the souvenir shop:))

some description posted outside of the church

the view at the outside of the church. Really kinda crowded.

Last Stop: Don Bosco Parish in Makati
Just beside DBTS :D

We're getting modern :D This church has a very modern styled interior and a very unique architecture :D

Before entering the church, we grabbed some snacks :) yeah I bought lugaw (porridge) for only 40 pesos! :D its really yummy! ;)

After eating I went to the church's garden. There has its crosses for the families who were having their Visita Yglesia like us ;)

see the cross? :)

love the exteriors! :D

My family wile having their prayer :D

among Catholics, they cover their saint statues during Holy week. Actually i dunno why.. :))

like what was behind us... :))

and lastly, I supppppppppppppppper love the ceiling! :D